Calculate Jokes

How do you calculate a girl's impulse?

F dt bich

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

How do they calculate global warming?

Al-gore-ythms

Why did no one like the Eskimo accountant?

Because he was cold and calculating.

How do you calculate the length of rosemary?

Sprigonometry

How would you describe the typical Inuit mathematician?

Cold and calculating.

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Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What is the difference between a Lannister and a Greek?

A Greek never pays his debts.

What's the difference a kidney bean and a chickpea?

I've never paid $200 to have a kidney bean in my mouth.

Chronic Math Debater Jokes More Chronic Math Debater Jokes

What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?

He was a chronic math-debater

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

When did Pinocchio learn he was made of wood?

when his hand caught fire!!

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?

A bearl roll.

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

It's smoking a cigarette.

What do you name a dog with no legs?

Cigarette" because you take him out for a drag.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What direction does a Walter White-themed GPS tell you to turn?

Goddamn right.

How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...

Volume Jokes More Volume Jokes

What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.

What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a?

Pi * z * z * a

Harry Potter Jokes More Harry Potter Jokes

What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill?

Ouch! I Hermione!"

What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill?

Running . . . JK! Rolling