Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

What do you call a james bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

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What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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Add Jokes More Add Jokes

Whatya doin?

Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What's red on the outside and green on the inside?

A dinosaur wearing red pajamas.

What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls?

Ghost avocado.

Disagree Jokes More Disagree Jokes

What does Melania disagree with Donald on?

Anchor babes.

How many Zionists does it take to change a light bulb?

OC Just one. And if you disagree with me, you're an anti-Semite.

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Why do white girls only travel in packs of 3's?

Because omg they can't even.

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

What type of wood is the most expensive?

Hollywood! (Made this up while i was doing a project.)

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What online image hosting service do puppies use to post their puppy pictures?

Imgrrrrrrr

What do bad writers use to pick up hot pans?

Plot Holders.

Absolute Jokes More Absolute Jokes

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

What do short people call something that's too high up?

Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

What do you name a dog with no legs?

Cigarette" because you take him out for a drag.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5