How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How do you greet a Rastafarian who's out of work?

jahbless

How many Mexicans do you need working in the kitchen?

Just Juan.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why was the lizard upset with her husband?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ... Okay bye now

What's a woman who always knows where her husband is?

A widow.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How many cats sawed in half does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently 10 aren't enough :

What do you call an 80lb midget with 40lb testicles?

SFW) Half nuts!

Emit Jokes More Emit Jokes

What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food?

Frito Layser.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Lawn Mower Jokes More Lawn Mower Jokes

Why did the redneck take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower?

Because they're the largest re-tail-er

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Half Time Jokes More Half Time Jokes

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

How does Beyonce answer the phone?

HALO HALO HALO!* - inspired from the Superbowl XLV11 Half-Time show