How can you shorten a bed?

Don't sleep long in it.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

piece of cake

Why do I always seem to start my day backwards?

I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Whats the last thing you want to hear before you go to sleep?

Zippity Bop, Puddin' pop!

Why did the blond take a ruler to bed?

To see how long she slept.

Shorten Jokes More Shorten Jokes

What do you do when your wife is blocking view of the TV?

Go to the kitchen and shorten her chain.

What's the United States favorite brand of shortening?

San Fran Crisco