How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

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What do you call a bovine that won't leave Egypt?

MOO-barak!

Why did the hipster otter leave his hometown river?

It was too mainstream :)

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How many sad soccer fans are there today?

A Brazillion...

What are cooking for us today?

Dingo: I'm making my famous baby coleslaw

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How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.

Why are black people always wrong?

They have no rights.