How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

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Why did Comic Sans's girlfriend leave him?

He just wasn't her type.

Why did Sally the Sloth sleep in all day?

Because her crippling depression leaves her unable to function properly.

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How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

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Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?

A: Her blinker was on.

Why are a good majority of Americans obese?

At least the food won't take away their rights. Do a little oppression of their own.