How many beers did you have while I was gone?

Me: Two. 4-year-old: It was nine. Teaching her to count was a mistake.

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Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What's the difference between democracy and feudalism?

Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

How does Moses make beer?

Hebrews!

Mistake Jokes More Mistake Jokes

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

Why can't Snape teach Herbology?

A. He can't keep the lilies alive.

What do you call the grounds of a university that specializes in teaching neuroscience to hippopotamuses?

Hippocampus!

4 Year Old Jokes More 4 Year Old Jokes

What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

How do you greet the cold horse across the fence?

Howdy Neigh - Brr Made up by my 4 year old son.