How to tell if someone has Rhotacism?

Ask them to pronounce it.

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How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse ?

Try picking them up !

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

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What did Bill Cosby say when he was asked about the child abuse claims?

Kids say the darnedest things.

How do you fire a Chinese cook?

Ask him to take wok.

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Why don't black people like pirates?

they pronounce everything with a hard "aargh"

What's a pirate's favorite workout program?

Pirates (pronounced like pilates)