Pronounce Jokes

Because if there were one more, it'd be two forty. (Too farty) This works much better when spoken out loud. The joke how Irish people pronounce "forty."

What's a pirate's favorite workout program?

Pirates (pronounced like pilates)

What's the proper way to pronounce Mormon?

The second m is silent.

What are Mario's overalls made of?

denim denim denim (pronounced with the Mario underground theme)

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

When it's a legal matter, it's pronounced o-FENCE. When it's sports, it's pronounced OFF-ence. Climbing... ?

A fence.

Why did Steve Harvey announce Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe winner?

Because he couldn't pronounce Miss Philippines.

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

What do you call a Pho restaurant run by 9 Japanese chefs?

Pho Kyuu EDIT: No one understands how to pronounce "Pho". ;;

What do you call cantaloupe flavored gum?

A: A Ty-lemma (pronounced like dilemma)

Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard?

ROBOT: twitch, spark

Why don't British people pronounce their T's?

Because they're all in the Boston harbor."

What is your reason for divorce?

She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky, Loo-e-ville or Loo-is-ville?

I pronounce it Frankfort.

How do you pronounce the "Pao" in "Power'?

deleted

How do you pronounce "nihilism?

It doesn't matter

Why isn't the word gangster pronounced Jang-ster?

Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'

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Welsh Jokes More Welsh Jokes

Which member of the Bach family went to prison?

Bachgen Drwg. (it's welsh)

What is the difference between being Scottish, Irish, or Welsh?

The difference is what people you hate

French Jokes More French Jokes

What's the difference between a slice of toast and the French?

You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast.

What does a French beaver call her home?

Madame

British Jokes More British Jokes

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

What do British people call concrete?

Arsephalt

Ence Jokes More Ence Jokes

What do you call the field of study for dad jokes?

ence

When it's a legal matter, it's pronounced o-FENCE. When it's sports, it's pronounced OFF-ence. Climbing... ?

A fence.

Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

L. Jokes More L. Jokes

Why aren't you mowing the lawn?

Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight

What's a hippie's favorite animal?

An elk It has the E, the L, and the K. Would like to hear some more if you guys have any.

Kentucky Jokes More Kentucky Jokes

How can you tell that the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

Because it is not called a teethbrush.

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

If it was invented anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush

Chemist Jokes More Chemist Jokes

How do chemists poison each other?

With a Pb & J sandwich

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.