What did Ray Charles say when they handed him a cheese grater?

This is the most violent thing I've ever read.

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What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?

Two pirates

How many of you believe in psychokinesis?

Raise my hand. - Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie.

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Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

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Why do single women take advice from other single women?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions

Why can't Ray Charles read?

Because he's black.

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What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater?

This is the most violent story I've ever read!

What did Helen Keller say when she picked up a cheese grater?

That was the most violent book I've ever read..........