What did the homeless yogi say when told to leave the yoga studio?

Nah, I must stay.

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Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell

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How do you get high underwater?

seaweed! lol my friends 12 yr old daughter told us this one

How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one but he'll tell everybody.

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What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.

What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog

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How many anti-feminists does it take to screw the light bulb?

Anti feminists? Nah, they can't screw

How was the party last night?

17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.