What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart"

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

What's the difference between your job and your wife?

Nobody does your job for you when you're out

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why didn't Hellen Keller learn to lip-read?

The braille left her lips numb.

Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden

Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

Where does it hurt?

Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What do you call a pig behind a car wheel?

A ham brake !

What do you get when you cross a pig with a canary?

I don't know but when it sits on your electric wire and sings all your lights go out