What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart"

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did the Newfie get his wife pregnant?

and you call us stupid.

What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?

Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did Comic Sans's girlfriend leave him?

He just wasn't her type.

Why is ok to leave the lid off a basket of socialist crabs?

Because whenever one of them climbs to the top, the others drag it back down.

Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

Why did Bowie die?

I guess he was shot through the heart

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

How do pigs talk?

Swine language

What do you call a pig sitting on a hog?

Usually they prefer to be called "officer"