What did the worm want to do when he grew up?

He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

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Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter?

Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT: removed explanation.

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?

He wanted to raise some hard cash.

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Why do you want to join the Secret Service?

Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."

Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?

They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

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What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

Where does biggest potato grow?

Under the ground.

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What are you fishing for sonny?

Boy: I'm not fishing I'm drowning worms.

What does a worm do in a cornfield?

It goes in one ear and out the other