What do a necrophiliac and an alcoholic have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one

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What do you call the urge to crack open a cold one?

Necrophilia.

What just cracked?

A guide to aging.

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Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

Where does Christopher Walken like to smoke cigars?

A Walken humidor.

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What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?

They both like to crack open a cold one

What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic?

I forget

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How can you tell a mortician is a necrophiliac?

He's always HARD at work.

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory?

He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.