What do lesbians use to get on top of a building?

A scissor lift.

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Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

Why did the plant use a dating service?

To find its stomate!

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Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?

Officer: I'm making a house arrest

How did the lesbian couple build their house?

Tongue and groove.

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What ya call a lesbian with large fingers?

Well hung!

When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets