Lesbian Jokes

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalatapus

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What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month.

What's the difference between my broken watch and a lesbian?

My watch hasn't got a strap on.

This joke may have profanity.

How fast can the lesbian get here?

Licka de split!

What's your view on lesbians?

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When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet.

What do you call a lesbian version of Grindr?

Scisr.

What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other a crack snacker.

What do you call a group of lesbians from Pittsburgh?

Lesbiyinz.

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders.

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What's the difference between a lesbian and a canoe?

A canoe tips.

What do you call two lesbians in the closet?

a liquor cabinet.

Where can you meet horny girls?

Dad! For the umpteenth time there are NO horny girls in this world... Unless they're lesbians.

This joke may have profanity.

What ya call a lesbian with large fingers?

Well hung!

What did one lesbian pirate say to the other?

Scissor me timbers!

What do you call a lesbian chicken?

A sticky beak!

What does a lesbian pirate say?

Scissor me timbers!

What do you call a lesbian with big hands?

Well hung!

Why did the lesbian cross the road?

To get to the other bride!

What do you call a pub for lesbians in circus outfits?

A Clown-Dyke-Bar Credit to

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, except she scissors it in.

Why didn't the lesbian go to the bread festival?

She already gets two times the normal amount of yeast.

What game do lesbians like to play?

Clash of Clams

How is a lesbian like a camel?

Their hump has no bone.

What do straight guys and lesbians have in common?

They both like girls

What does one lesbian pirate say to another lesbian pirate?

Scissor me timbers.

What do lesbians in Alaska sing?

What would you do ew ew in a Klondike bar.

What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

Licker cabinet.

What do you call three lesbians on a bicycle?

A trike

What do you call lesbians doing karate?

dikewondo

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

Hey! We really DO taste like chicken!

Why do lesbians have cats?

They're into pussies.(

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a Triscuit and a Lesbian??

One is a Snack Cracker and the other is a Crack Snacker!!

What's the difference between a muddy bicycle and a ditzy lesbian?

One is a dirty bike and the other is a derpy dyke.

What do you get when you cross a lesbian with a hippopotamus?

A lickalottapuss.

What is Viagra for lesbians called?

Batteries

This joke may have profanity.

What do u call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

How did the lesbian couple build their house?

Tongue and groove.

What do you call a lesbian that you can't understand?

A mad lib...

What's the best part of two lesbians marrying?

Two cooks in the house.

What do you call an army of lesbians?

Militia Etheridge

What do you call a lesbian octopus?

A lickalotopuss.

What STD is found most commonly among lesbians?

Carpet burn

What did the lesbian lumberjill say to her girlfriend?

Have I got an ax to grind with you.

How do lesbians keep things interesting in the bedroom?

They think outside the box.

What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semi-automatic guns?

Militia Etheridge.

What do you call two lesbians floating down a river in a canoe?

Fur traders.

What did 1 lesbian bullfrog say to the other lesbian bullfrog?

They're right we do taste like chicken!

Why don't they allow lesbians to play baseball?

When they get to third base they think they've scored

What is the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.

What do you call a woman with her tongue out?

A lesbian with a hard on.

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?

Well-hung.

What did a lesbian frog tell another lesbian frog?

Damm, we do taste like chicken!

What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?

A lick-her cabinet

Why are all lesbians ill?

They lack vitamin D

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur with vertigo?

Falloffalottapuss

How often do lesbian gypsies get their hands read?

Every 28 days or so.

Where in New York City do lesbians most like to live?

Manhatin'

What happens when two lesbians build a house?

It's all tongue and groove, and no stud inside.

Why do I only see lesbian couples holding hands?

Aren't their hands clammy enough as it is...

What did the lesbian rattlesnake say to Hillary after they finished making love?

You know, they're right . . . we do taste like chicken!"

What do you get when you mix a lesbian and a platypus?

A lickalottapus.

What are the people from the country Lesbia called?

Lesbians

What Kind of Motorcycles do Lesbians ride?

Chowasaki. - Pat H.

What do you call a bunch of Lesbians in a closet?

A liquor cabinet.

What do you call two lesbians in a cupboard?

A liquor cabinet.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

Why did the lesbian cross the street?

She was emo.

Whats the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?

Ones a snack cracker and ones a crack snacker!

What do lesbians use to get on top of a building?

A scissor lift.

What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?

Single.

What do you call a can of tuna in a lesbians back pocket?

DIP

What do you do when two lesbians make out in front of you in a bus?

You get off.

Why do lesbians hate Nutella?

Because it's not nut-free

Whats the difference between children and lesbians?

Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.

What do you call an immoral lesbian citizen of Rivendell who hosts a talk-variety show and lacks character?

An elven degenerate.

What are my views on lesbian relationships ?

I view it in HD.

What are they planning on calling the next die hard movie in which the main villain is a lesbian terrorist?

DYKE HARD

What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?

Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker.

How do you tell if a lesbian installed your flooring?

It's all tongue and groove.

What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?

A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

How do you see lesbian relationships?

I said in HD. They didn't like it...

Why aren't there any nails in a lesbian's floor?

A. They're all laid with tongue and groove.

How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters?

All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

What did one lesbian bullfrog say to the other lesbian bullfrog?

They're right! We do taste like chicken!

What do lesbians use for lubricant?

Tartar sauce!

What do you call a lesbian spy?

Lesbianage.

Why was the lesbian mad when she got her report card?

Cause she got a D

What do u call a lesbian with 9in fingers?

Well hung.

What do Brazil and lesbians have in common?

Neither like touching balls.

What is a support group for lesbian mathematicians called?

Number Munchers!

What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl?

Four drinks.

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

How do lesbian carpenters work?

No studs. All tongue in groove.

Why didn't the lesbian cross the road?

She didn't have the balls to do it

What do you call a lesbian with big fingers?

Well hung.

What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?

Depends

What language do lesbians speak?

Gaelic.

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What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet.

What do you call two lesbians in the closet?

a liquor cabinet.

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How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

How does a feminist know she's overweight?

She doesn't

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What do lesbians in Alaska sing?

What would you do ew ew in a Klondike bar.

What kind of bars do lesbian Eskimos go to?

Klondike Bars

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What did the lesbian pirate say to her peg legged girlfriend?

Scissor me timbers

What did one lesbian pirate say to the other?

Scissor me timbers!

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What does the janitor keep in the closet?

SUPPLIES!

What do you call a blonde in a closet?

Last years hide and seek champion

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken

Why did the piece of gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.

Why is Xbox 360's successor called Xbox One and not Xbox 720?

Cos 720 is 1

1080p Jokes More 1080p Jokes

What do you call crystal clear urine?

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What's your view on lesbians?

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