Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate?

By reading street signs.

What is a Russian man's favourite Justin Timberlake song?

Crimea River

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why does the USA use F?

The rest of the world has varying degrees of communism.

What is the craziest/weirdest/most interesting/most unique/ uncommon phrase you've ever heard ?

I am working on a project, and its going to revolve around a phrase. I need it to be really out there, yet could be used in everyday life. But honestly just give me anything you got.

Russia Jokes More Russia Jokes

What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday?

Crimea a river

How many Soviets does it take to change a light bulb?

None! In Soviet Russia, light bulb changes you!

Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

How do Soviet prison mates greet each other?

Gulag to you too.

What do you call a Soviet ruler dancing on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz. *ba-dum tsh*

Torture Jokes More Torture Jokes

How do you torture Hellen Keller?

Give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

Peanut Jokes More Peanut Jokes

How do you say the word "peanuts" *without* the letter "t"?

Think about it.

What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?

An astronut.

Cold War Jokes More Cold War Jokes

Why didn't The Cold War happen?

Russia kept Stalin it

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

Soviet Russia Jokes More Soviet Russia Jokes

Why didn't anyone drive stick in Soviet Russia?

They were afraid of Stalin.

What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.