What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette?

Tobaccio

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Where do people go when they die?

Me: Heaven. 3: I don't want to go there. Me: Why not 3: It's full of dead people.

What did the baby cigarette want to be when it grew up?

a Drag Queen

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What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common?

Hogwarts!

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

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How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5