What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

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Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

How will future generations contact Beyonce's ghost?

They'll hold a Beyonceance.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you

What do the average woman and kids on a snow day have in common?

They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

How much do you bench?

Me: Way less than I couch.

Why did Bibi Netanyahu lie on a couch licking his balls?

Likud.

10 Year Jokes More 10 Year Jokes

What's the difference between a cow and September 11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

What is 10 years with me?

Wife:What is 10 years with me Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second