When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone?

Two days seems like a long time.

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What's a joke that you invented?

Here's mine: Did you hear about the guy who had to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted.

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

What would you like?

ME:What would YOU like W:Excuse me M:No one ever asks you, do they W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you.

Which perfume do you use ?

It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife." Lady: "Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."

Slip Jokes More Slip Jokes

How did the psychologist die?

He Freudian slipped.

What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?

How slime flies!

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.