Why can't the NSA leaker leave Russia?

Because he's Snow'd-in!

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What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?

Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*

How can a room full of couples be empty?

There isn't a single person left! Bwahahahahaha

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What does the president of Russia call his toilet?

Vladimir's Poo Tin

Why can't you have military coup in Russia?

Because in Russia the military coups you.

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When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia?

He was snowed in.