Why didn't the rock make it to work today?

He was stoned

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why don't U2's lawyers ever make any money?

All their work is pro Bono.

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

iPatch

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Who's there ! Bean ! Bean who ?

Bean working very hard today !

How are you today?

Me: Tim.

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

How does a crackhead order their whiskey?

On the rocks

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.

Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What do you call a man of high authority, stoned out of his mind strolling along in the forest?

Hiking

What do you call a country of grizzlies that is always stoned?

A hibearnation.