Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

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Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

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Where does Russia get its water from?

De-stalinization plants

What does a neckbeard tip his fedora to in soviet russia?

M'otherland"

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Why didn't Edward get on the plane?

Cause it was snowed-in.

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

because he's snowed in.