Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.

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What's the last thing they do to a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll before it leaves the factory?

Give it two test-tickles!

Why should you always finish telling your jokes to David Carradine?

He doesn't like to be left hanging.

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Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

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What was Carl Sagan really trying to say about the brain?

In Soviet Russia, consciousness regulates the cerebral cortex.

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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Why does Edward never leave Russia?

He's always Snowden.

Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.