How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

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Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What did the police say to the hot dog?

You are under arrest.

What disease do police give black people?

Glock coma

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it?

Rest in **police**.

What did I do in my 3-year-old?

I ate sand.

Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night?

Nocturtle

How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

Determine Jokes More Determine Jokes

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

Conduct Jokes More Conduct Jokes

How does Ohm conduct an orchestra?

Standing on his head!

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?

Tuskanini.