Determine Jokes

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

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How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

What is the best way to determine if someone is ticklish?

Give them a "test tickle."

How did the police determine which turtle ate the diamond ring?

They conducted an in-turtle investigation.

How do you determine the personality of a hot dog?

Give it an Oscar-Myers-Briggs test

How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

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Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What happened when two hydrogen atoms collided?

The doctor had to heal-ium.

Why was the doctor so stressed out?

He lost his patients...

Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound?

Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.

What's the best way to prepare baby food?

Shake'n bake.

Plumber Jokes More Plumber Jokes

What do a plumber and a walrus both enjoy?

A nice tight seal

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's Blue, Orange and Lying at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool?

What's blue, orange and lying at the bottom of a swimming pool? A baby with popped floaties.

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

Hot Dog Jokes More Hot Dog Jokes

Why'd the dog sit in the shade?

He didn't want to be a hot dog!

Where do you put a hot dog?

On a pun.

Favourite Jokes More Favourite Jokes

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ?

A phantomime !

What is a Brit's favorite letter?

You'd think it would be "T", but it is "U". *Favourite, btw.

Chemist Jokes More Chemist Jokes

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

Profit Jokes More Profit Jokes

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?

Remove the audio jack