What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously ! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How was your first day of school?

5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back

Why did Sally the Sloth sleep in all day?

Because her crippling depression leaves her unable to function properly.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

Where do twin lesbians meet up?

A Clone Dyke Bar.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What do you call a banana you want tomorrow in spanish?

Baana

When is my wife's favorite day to make love?

Tomorrow

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

Why do women make better soldiers?

Because they can bleed for a week and not die.

What do you call a policewoman who hasn't shaved for a week?

Constable

Lead Jokes More Lead Jokes

What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?

Kobe beef

What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god?

Me: oh, um, science.

Math Jokes More Math Jokes

How does a cow do math?

With a cowculator!

How do bovines do math?

They use a cow-culator! Ba-dum-tsss!