What did Jesus say after he was resurrected?

Nailed it

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Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?

Because Jesus took the wheel.

What did Jesus say to the man with leprocy?

OOPS! GOT YOUR NOSE!

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What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

Why didn't Jesus ever play in the NHL?

because every time he tried he got nailed to the boards!

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Why did jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified?

OC) YORO (You only resurrect once)