What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

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What do call it when actor Charles Dance tries to flirt?

Dance moves.

What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV?

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How did the fruits get married?

They Cantaeloped!

How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

He married his cousin.

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Why do melons have fancy weddings?

Because they cantelope!

How does Homer Simpson say watermelon in French?

Melon D'OH

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What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.

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Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope :D

What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!