What do you do when you see a half dead native man crawling across your lawn?

Stop laughing and reload

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop Carlos Santana from molesting your children?

You put a guitar in his hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through one of his skits without laughing

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why are you divorcing her?

Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*

How do you congratulate the guy who won the best tie contest?

You tell him... "that's definitely a win sir". Or if he did ok you can say you half win sir i suppose. :/

Crawl Jokes More Crawl Jokes

Why don't Muslims fight each other often?

Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Lawn Jokes More Lawn Jokes

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?

A Moles Royce.

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza