What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

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What happened when the barman died?

The police held an inn-quest

What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?

He got atomic ache.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?

Because they both have "Sandy claws" !

What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

Rub Jokes More Rub Jokes

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Opposite Direction Jokes More Opposite Direction Jokes

What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

What did you just do?

CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she's after both of us*

Pet Jokes More Pet Jokes

What insect does a neckbeard keep as a pet?

M'ladybug

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan