What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a a women's track team and a tribe of pygmy's?

One is a cunning bunch of runts and the the is a running bunch of.....nevermind.

What's the difference between a Snickers and my girlfriend?

Snickers satisfies.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

Where are you going?

Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got Five

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!

Mistress Jokes More Mistress Jokes

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...