Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Einstein Jokes More Einstein Jokes

What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding?

Speed is relative, officer."

Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What do you call a woman who fell off a cliff?

Eileen Dover...

Why did the bicycle fall down?

because it was two-tired.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

Whats 10 inches?

What's 10 inches, has a big red head and makes my girlfriend cry when i put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why did the engineer buy a mattress?

To sleep under it

Why is King Joffrey like a mattress?

Two twins make a King.

Ceiling Jokes More Ceiling Jokes

Why did the bolt in the ceiling have to go to therapy?

Because it was screwed up!

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

How did Aladdin die?

Carpet bombing.

Anticipate Jokes More Anticipate Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.