What's the difference between my broken watch and a lesbian?

My watch hasn't got a strap on.

This joke may have profanity.

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What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

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Why don't you buy your wife a watch?

There's already a clock on the stove

What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky?

Cornography

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What do you get when you mix a lesbian and a platypus?

A lickalottapus.

When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets

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How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Strap a steak to the ceiling