Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

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Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

What does it sound like when two churches fight?

Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!

Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

How long is one minute?

It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What type of writing is the most profitable?

A ransom note.

Why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?

A. To remind her that "toes go in first."

Chuck Norris Jokes More Chuck Norris Jokes

How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town?

A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado.

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

John Cena Jokes More John Cena Jokes

Who do blind kids boo at wrestling events?

John Cena.

What is a Roman wrestlers favorite meal?

JOHN CENA

Script Jokes More Script Jokes

Who would win in a fight between John Cena and Chuck Norris?

Depends on who wrote the script.

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!