Why did the old man hate using the new chip cards?

He's trying to watch his sodium intake.

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What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear?

Camembert!

What do you call people who use the pull-out method?

Mom and Dad.

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Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

What have you tried so far?

Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

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What are you watching?

Our wedding video."

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

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How do you get whole race to hate you?

Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)

What's the difference between love and hate?

A) Usually about 6 months.

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Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?

He couldn't stand all the racket!

How do you find and old man in the dark?

Just feel around. It's not hard.