Why did the old man hate using the new chip cards?

He's trying to watch his sodium intake.

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Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

What gym equipment does Jesus use?

A cross trainer.

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What do boys and algebra have in common?

They are both trying to find their X and they don't know Y.

What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?

It was worth a shot.

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What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Why can't children watch pirate movies?

Because they're rated

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What do you call someone who hates browsing the web with Google?

A Chromophobe.

Why do feminists hate Medusa?

She's always objectifying people.

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What are you going to be when you get out of school?

An old man!

How do you find and old man in the dark?

Just feel around. It's not hard.