Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

He brought the wrong carrion.

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Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common?

They can both bring out the child from within.

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Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

Why did the Smackhead kick the habit?

He didn't like nuns.

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What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.