Flight Jokes

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

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What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates?

A peg leg.

What do you call a pretentious criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending condescending

What do you call a snarky criminal going down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending.

What do you get when you throw a Canadian down a flight of stairs?

An apology.

What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs?

The cloths hanger only solves one problem.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding

How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?

None. He "fell".

How long is the flight?

A Polish man calls up an airline. "How long is the flight from Chicago to Warsaw?" "One minute..." "Thank you."

What is the biggest key when moving a piano up a flight of stairs?

Be sharp or Be flat.

Why did the flight from Warsaw to Moscow crash?

There were Poles on the right half of the plane.

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Why did the vulture get kicked off the flight?

He brought the wrong carrion.

How do you get rid of somebody?

Give them a ticket for a flight on Malaysian Airlines and hope that they will live up to their reputation!

How did the Somali terrorist describe his flight?

It was dynamite!"

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

How does a flight of steps check out a woman?

It stares.

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

What do you call in-flight pilot training?

Air conditioning.

How to climb a flight of stairs?

Step one Step two Step three

What is the best way to avoid having your flight bombed?

Bring your own bomb! Cause what are the odds that there are **two** bombs on the same plane

How much does a flight to Rio cost?

A Brazilian dollars.

How does a Chinese family name their children?

They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs.

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Depend Jokes More Depend Jokes

How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?

A: Depends on how many were photographed.

What do the cristae of the mitochondria and the Mexican border have in common?

Depending what you're charged with can really effect how easily you're getting across.

Chicago Jokes More Chicago Jokes

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

Because 'Illinois you!

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

Edward Jokes More Edward Jokes

Why is Edward still in Russia?

He's Snowden.

Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country?

He was Snowden.

Condescend Jokes More Condescend Jokes

What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs?

A condescending Khan descending.

What do you call an arrogant prisoner walking down the stairs?

Condescending. )

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

What does Debbie Reynolds sing in heaven?

Good mourning, good mourning, good mourning!!!

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

Apology Jokes More Apology Jokes

What food do Japanese people serve as an apology when they have offended someone?

Miso sorry...

What's your birth certificate?

An apology from the condom factory!

Cloth Jokes More Cloth Jokes

What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings?

I'm sari.

What did the square of cloth identify as on tumblr?

Nap-kin

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How long does it take to fly to Boston?

The clerk said "Just a minute..." "Thank you" the man said and hung up.

What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!