Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Sara fall out of the swing?

Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock..who's there..Not Sara.

Why didn't Toronto's mayor tell us earlier about his drug use?

It must have fallen through a crack.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the chess master order a Russian bride?

He needed a Chech mate!

What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

I need some space.

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.

What did you just say!?

I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.

Seal Jokes More Seal Jokes

What do you get when you cross a seal and a polar bear?

A polar bear.

What'll it be kid?

Seal plops a five on the counter and says "Anything but a Canadian Club."