Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why did the frat boy throw away his curtains?

He was trying to get some Natural Light.

Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Pizza Jokes More Pizza Jokes

How many calls do I get?

cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp, and even.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What happens when you put a soul-singing duck in a microwave?

It's Bill Withers.

Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave?

Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven.

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

What's happening!?

Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning..."

Nuke Jokes More Nuke Jokes

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

Why do asians squint all the time?

Because nukes are so bright