Microwave Jokes

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What's a surfers least favourite household appliance?

A Microwave.

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What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin

How do you turn a duck into a popular soul singer?

Stick it in microwave and turn it on until it's Bill Withers.

What do you get if you microwave welsh horse crap?

PooptyPong.

What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves!

What happens when you microwave a DVD?

you get a VHS tape.

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a microwave?

I don't know....I was too busy masterbating.

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

Why dont applebees employees wear watches?

Cuz theres a clock on the microwave

How do you make German potato pancakes?

Cook them in the microwave

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Where do puppies go when they die?

Back into the microwave so I can get in another round.

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She puts in in the microwave.

Why the dwarves surf in the kitchen?

Because it has microwaves

Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave?

Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven.

Why can't you surf on microwaves?

Because they're too small.

What does a baby smell like in a microwave?

Nsfw I don't know I was too busy jerking off.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do hipsters only use the microwave?

Because they don't like conventional ovens.

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Microwaves.

What scratches the window before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave

What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave?

Idk, I was too busy jacking off...

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Why is there no volume control on the microwave?

Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza

Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave

How long does it take To microwave a baby?

I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

How long should you microwave fish for?

Tuna half minutes.

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ?

Take them out their wheelchair.

What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies?

Me: That's an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4

What do you see when you go to the tiny beach?

Microwaves.

Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach?

Microwaves!

Where do fleas go to surf?

A: To the microwave.

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What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly?

microwave

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves?

Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand?

A microwave.

When is 100 less than 99?

On a microwave.

Why did the guy fall off his bicycle?

Because I threw a microwave at him

Why don't you put eggs in a microwave?

Because they eggsplode. :D

What's black and taps on the window?

A baby in the microwave :)

What happens when you put a soul-singing duck in a microwave?

It's Bill Withers.

What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?

A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.

How does a Muslim get a hot date?

He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim....

How do you get a kid out from a microwave?

Please answer before my wife gets home!

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Whats the hardest thing about microwaving vegtables?

fitting the wheelchair in the microwave.

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Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

Why is wintertime love making in Scandinavia dangerous?

Your tongue might get stuck to a Pole.

Why was the apricot late to the party?

He got stuck in a jam.

Soul Singer Jokes More Soul Singer Jokes

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

You put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

How do you turn a duck in to a soul singer?

Put in the oven till it's Bill Withers.

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

How do you clean a spear?

Put it through the Wash.

Why do towels get dirty?

If we use towels just to dry ourselves after washing off dirt and what not. Why do they get dirty??

Hard Thing Jokes More Hard Thing Jokes

What's the hardest thing about having a colostomy bag?

Finding shoes to go with it.

What's the hardest thing on a cowboy?

The 4th grade.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between blue paint and red paint?

The color. Yes, this is an anti-joke. Downvote please.

What's the difference between me and a pile of bricks?

The bricks will get laid.

Bill Withers Jokes More Bill Withers Jokes

How do you make a duck sing soul music?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven at three fifty tree fiddy until it's Bill Withers. Edit:summoning happened.

Nuke Jokes More Nuke Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What do Americans and Putin have in common?

They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

Clock Jokes More Clock Jokes

How many men does it take to fix a women's watch?

Why does she need a watch? There is a clock on the oven!

Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school?

Sounds like he had already done the... time