Comic Jokes

What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.

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Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs?

The cloths hanger only solves one problem.

What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".

Resist Jokes More Resist Jokes

Why did the cop shoot the insomniac?

He was resisting a rest

What did the fuse say when it blew out?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Depress Jokes More Depress Jokes

How do you depress a room full of geeks?

Hold the door! I'm a leaf on the wind!"

Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed?

The sharks life lacked porpoise.

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

What did the cannibal make of the politician he just met?

Pork and bologne sammiches.

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

Restroom Jokes More Restroom Jokes

What do you call four Mexicans working in a restroom?

Cuatro Sinko

Why are pirates always angry when they go to the restroom?

Because they p-irate.

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?

You pull the trigger again.

X Jokes More X Jokes

What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina?

The X-Men

How do mathematicians count x-men?

Permutations.

Comic Book Jokes More Comic Book Jokes

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

What did the magazine say to the comic book?

Boy, do we have issues!