How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman?

No, wait.

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Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

How can you tell if a girl is under 18?

Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.

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What did the pirate say when he saw a woman giving head?

There she blows!!!

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.

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How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?

Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)

Why don't eggs tell jokes?

Because they would crack each other up.

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Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.

How do you get a Ford recalled?

Wait.

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How can you tell this joke was submitted by a woman?

No, wait.

Why was the hot teacher promoted to principal?

Because she was the Headmaster! My first submitted joke :)