How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

Why did the very religious man not say a word while he was fasting?

He was afraid that he would swallow his words.

Whats a cannibals favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why was a missile looking for a job?

Because it got fired!

What did the sarcastic taximan say when he lost his job?

Oh well that's just uber, isn't it

Babysitter Jokes More Babysitter Jokes

Who's yours?

Me: The babysitter

Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

500 Jokes More 500 Jokes

How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb?

When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.

What's 16 centimetres long and makes every girl happy?

A 500 bill.