How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips

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Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

People Jokes More People Jokes

How many people with OCD does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. It *has* to be seven.

Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in three years?

I don't have 2020 vision.

Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

How did you lose your last job?

I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

Onions" was his dog... D:

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips

Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea?

Because they drink it before it's cool.