What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

Previous Random Joke Next
Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?

Hairy Potter.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger.

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

Store Jokes More Store Jokes

When is the best time to go shopping?

When the stores are open.

What do you call it when you go to the store just to use their dumbbells and then leave?

Shoplifting

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why do so many college kids need free healthcare?

Because they are feeling the Bern.

Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail?

To a re-tail store!

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

How can I trust you again?

H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

What did the other nose say to the other nose when it was crying?

It told it a Nak-Nak joke! (In my language Urdu, Nak means nose.)

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

Why do redditors make such good fencers?

They're used to dealing with ripostes.

How much for this toaster?

An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars

Bowl Jokes More Bowl Jokes

What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics?

Seizure Salad.

Who's there ! Bowl ! Bowl who ?

Bowl me over !