What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

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Disease Jokes More Disease Jokes

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?

M'laria.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How did Kim Kardashian get her hands on Liberace's bath robe?

GrammysRedCarpet

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?

He touched the beaker before it was cool.

What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

Clap Jokes More Clap Jokes

Why can't the T-rex clap its hands?

Because it's dead.

Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands?

Because they're all dead

Contract Jokes More Contract Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.