Disease Jokes

What disease does a married man have?

onejina

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What do you call a Spartan king with a disease?

Leonitis

What disease do police give black people?

Glock coma

What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment?

ma'lady

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

What disease do Spartans get the most?

Leon-itis.

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

What disease do terrible parkers have?

parkin'sins

What kind of disease do you get from birds?

Chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and I hear it's untweetable.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

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What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What disease do you get from kissing birds?

Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable.

What do you call a disease that only effects ducks?

A mallard-y

What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease?

Ma'lady

What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you?

M'laria.

What's the only disease a potato can get?

tuber-culosis

What's the form of public transit most rife with filth and disease?

Let's name our sandwich shop after it

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What disease does a mad scientist have?

boffin spongiform encephalopathy

What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

Slow clap

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What disease do horses fear most?

Hay Fever!

What disease did the house have?

Shingles.

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

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What deadly disease can bowls contract?

Ebowla

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

Venereal Disease Jokes More Venereal Disease Jokes

What's the difference between a dwarven packrat and a venereal disease?

One is a runt with a cache.

Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease?

Ones a cunning runt...

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters

Kiss Jokes More Kiss Jokes

What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?

He left lip prints on the mirror!

Why shouldn't you kiss anybody on New Years Day?

Because it's the first date.

Cunning Runt Jokes More Cunning Runt Jokes

What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team?

One is a group of cunning runts.

What's the difference between a group of pigmies and a lesbian track team?

One of them is a bunch of cunning runts

Organ Jokes More Organ Jokes

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they got no organs.

What's worse than spiders on your piano?

Crabs on your organ

Bird Jokes More Bird Jokes

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

What kind of khakis do birds wear?

Khakaws!

Diseased Beaver Jokes More Diseased Beaver Jokes

What's worse than finding a dead monkey on your piano?

Finding a diseased beaver on your organ.

What's worse than a dead muskrat under your piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ.