What's wrong with them?

his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming to work today."

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

What did the Doe say when she came out of the woods?

I'm not doing that again for two bucks.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How many emojis will she use?

Show your work.

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup?

Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!

Why are football players never asked for dinner?

Because they're always dribbling!

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

Boss Jokes More Boss Jokes

What did the table fan say to his boss when he couldn't get to work on time?

Ah-so-late!

Why are you naked & why is Greg under your desk?

Me: Boss: Me: Shut the door when you leave