When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

instead of all this "how did you get in to my house " calling 9-11 business.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What, why?

is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god

Where do American bees store their honey?

In a USBee hive. Thank my ten year old for that one.

House Jokes More House Jokes

What happened did someone try to break into your house?

Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Do you know yet Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing?

In case you get a hole in one.

9 Jokes More 9 Jokes

Why is Microsoft coming out with a windows 10 instead of 9?

Because 7 8 9

How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.

Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

What do Buddhist monks have for breakfast?

Ommm' lettes!

What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year?

Breakfast.