Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

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Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

Why are dogs bad at poker?

Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand. Why did John's dog win the poker tournament Because he's a Doberman.

Why is a cat like a penny?

Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did Mario lose a life?

He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out.

How many NRA members does it take to stop a 6-year-old paraplegic from stealing a candy bar?

Nobody knows - they usually lose count at 800 rounds.

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How the hell did you get a body like that?

he asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Who should get the cat?

I don't know...let's see who he loves the most" 3 weeks later Can you tell "Nope"

What do you call the parents of a cat?

His PURR-ents

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.